Choosing to be Grateful

A while back, I wrote this post about how our friends keep asking us about our adoption; even though, from the outside, it looks like nothing is happening.  And while it's hard to keep clarifying our timeline and pointing out the microscopic movement in this whole process, we are so appreciative of those who continue to be so hopeful with us.  For those who wait, expectantly, faithfully, with us, waiting for the time when we can say, "It's done.  We did it!"

It's kind of starting to feel that way with the house too.  People keep asking, "Have you closed yet?  When will you close?  Is the house yours yet?"  The answers:  Nope.  We have no idea.  Nope.  It's so easy for us to get caught up in the end game and to not see the movement that is happening.  A good friend said, "I need for you to get this house and your babies, because I don't think my heart can take much more of this!"

I know the feeling.  But, while we wait, I want to take some time to point out some positively AWESOME things that have happened in the last two months.

*  Let's start with our realtor.  Since we have never done this before, and we've only lived in our area of about five years, we still don't have a lot of community contacts.  Fortunately, a friend of mine is the secretary at a big real estate office, so I asked her.  She gave me a list of about six people that she thought would really fit well, specifically with Adam and I.  I am always amazed at the ways that people are put into our lives to be able to look out for us.  I narrowed the list to three and had Adam pick one.  He picked our realtor because "he has a kind face."  Indeed, he does.  And our realtor has been a rock star on our behalf...working early in the morning and late at night...fighting for us, helping us understand, explaining things to these two dumb kids who have no idea what to do with a house this big.

But the coolness doesn't stop there.  Early on, Adam had mentioned our plan for adoption, when trying to justify why we needed a house with this many bedrooms (six!), since we don't presently have any children (other than the cats!).  A few weeks after that initial conversation, our realtor sent us this very heartfelt emailing.  He said that he very rarely shares details about his personal life, but that he felt led to share with us that his granddaughter was adopted and that he wanted to connect me with his daughter, who is an adoptive momma!

** We have hit every stinkin' delay that we possibly could in the process of buying this house.  (I've been cautioned to not say that, lest something else go horribly wrong.)  But the cool thing is that every delay actually benefits us, because that will decrease the time that we will be paying a mortgage AND for our apartment.  And, honestly, this is good practice for the adoption process, which will be pretty much like this for over a year. 

*** Because of the loan we are using, we had to make a deal that resulted in us not getting any money at the closing for repairs that need done.  This is a total bummer, but Adam and I had gotten very comfortable with the idea that we would do whatever was required for us to get this house, as long as we got this house.  So we are trusting that there will be a way to get those repairs done without that extra money, and we are choosing to focus on having a mortgage that is $10,000 less than we anticipated.

****Another friend of mine messaged me the other day, asking about how the house-buying process was going.  As we were chatting, she kind of blurted (can you blurt when you're chatting online?), "Have you ever thought about adopting from Ukraine?"  While Adam and I have ideas about where we might adopt from, we are also open to God's insistence on a specific child, in a specific location.  So when people make suggestions, we are always open to truly hearing it, because I have seen God use other people to point us in very specific directions.  Turns out, a friend of hers is doing some mission work in Ukraine, specifically with orphans, and she felt led to point me in that direction.  We are so grateful to people who listen to their hearts and share things with us, even when they (and we) have no idea where this fits into our family story.

*****On Sunday, my best friend invited me to go to her church, since they were having a Music Worship Night.  She had no idea, but Sunday was a really hard day for me and this was EXACTLY what I needed.  So, basically, a minute into Song #2, I was bawling.  Fortunately, my friends aren't afraid of my tears.  She just looked at me and said, "We sang this song this morning, and I thought of you." 

 ******Two weeks ago, when the bank was saying ugly things like "worst case scenario" and "if we have to cancel the loan" I was feeling pretty desperate.  It's so hard to be in a position where other people get to make BIG decisions that affect you and your future children and to feel like there's absolutely NOTHING that you can do to sway their decisions.  I remembered a little snippet from Joyce Meyer a year ago.  She said, "Why do people say, 'All we can do is pray' like it's some kind of small, last-resort choice?"  Prayer and God's provision in our lives is really all we EVER have.  And it's enough.

But I will say that, when you start following God's will for your family, man, you are going to hit some serious roadblocks.  I was starting to feel like it was really just us; but, then, I read a billion blog posts about that exact same thing.  And then I talked to some adoptive mommas that I know and they confirmed my suspicions.  They shared stories of disrupted adoptions, panic attacks, broken appliances, late night marathon prayer sessions, and all sorts of craziness that was intended to keep them from adopting.  I kind of unloaded my fears with them a bit and asked for some serious prayer on our behalf.  Later that evening, the final underwriting approval on Adam and I was approved.  Coincidence?  I think not.

I don't want to sound overly dramatic, but I feel like Adam and I are in for the fight of a lifetime over these kids; who, most likely, aren't even born yet.  We have yet to fill out one single scrap of adoption paperwork, and we are already encountering this kind of resistance.  It's gonna be one wild ride!

Thanks to everyone for your prayers, support, and obedience to that nudge in your heart on our behalf.  





 

The Gift of a Very Intentional Year

It's so weird to think that, this time last year, we were planning for a deployment. 

We had planned to celebrate our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and both of our birthdays...separated.  We were resigned to this; because, as hard as it would be, it would provide us with the finances to purchase our first home and cover the cost of our adoption.

But then, in true Army fashion, the deployment got cancelled.  And while I was grateful and relieved, I was disappointed in some ways.  It did not seem financially possible for us to do either of those things--let alone both.

And, yet, if you've been following along with us, you know that it is HAPPENING!

I've been hesitant to talk too much about the purchase of our home, because it looked like it was going to fall through at every possible turn.

Everyone kept telling us to find a house that we "could live with" and not to get caught up in a house that we "are in love with."  Well, I can tell you that I would not have fought this hard for a house that I only sorta liked.  Man, we are in love.

This house is made up of everything that Adam and I have dreamt about, both out loud and quietly in the secret places of our hearts.  This house has things that we didn't even know we wanted.

This house was picked out with one very intentional purpose.  Filling it.  I don't know how other people go about picking out homes, but we did it by imagining it with (at least) four extra little people in it.  We pictured future holidays and bedrooms and dinners around a table and bath time and birthday parties and shelves to hold games and puzzles. 

I think we both agree that the best thing about this house is that it has so much space, both inside and out.  Technically, it has 6 bedrooms, though two of the rooms are tiny, and one will be converted into a master bathroom, since we only have one full bath and one toilet in a closet quarter bath.

The house sits on slightly less than 4 acres.  Now, despite the fact that neither one of us knows how to operate a riding lawnmower, this is actually ideal.  We've already marked out the space for the garden, fruit trees and bushes, and we have ample space left over for things like swing sets, practicing t-ball, and room to just run around.  Did I mention there's a pond, perfect for observing all sorts of wildlife?

We have three outbuildings:  a pole barn, an old carriage house, and what looks like an old chicken coop.  Right before we found this house, I had been looking at additional office space to open an office that offered counseling and space for some creative art stuff.  Well, the carriage house is absolutely perfect for that, if I would decide to follow through on it.  Perfect.

This journey has been full of so many nerve-wracking moments:


1.  We had to be below a certain income to qualify for our loan.  Several vendors would only look at our total income, which was over the limit, but since I'm self-employed, you have to look at the adjusted income, which is just barely under the limit.

2.  We qualified for only slightly more than the exact amount of the purchase price of the home.

3.   Adam's work history got called into question, since he's in school and working part-time.  This led into a conversation about "worst case scenarios" and "cancelling the loan," which honestly made me want to throw up.  Fortunately, my business is up 70% (amazing!) from last year, so it was enough to satisfy the lender.


So we're looking to close on the house before the end of April and then moving in by the end of May or beginning of June.  Which means...we can start the adoption process toward the end of the summer!  Wow!

So, in the course of this very intentional year that we weren't supposed to have together, we paid off a ridiculous amount of debt, saved up a bunch of money, and bought the perfect house.

And the best part?  We got to do it all...together.  



 

We Are Long Shot Kind of People

It's such a weird feeling...only a week has gone by since my last post.  But, wow, WHAT A WEEK!

On Monday, we found out that someone had put a low offer in on the house that we wanted.  The house that we had claimed as OURS.  When I got the e-mail from our realtor, I was just heartsick.  I told Adam, "I can't believe it...they're going to sell our house out from under us!"  This led into a long conversation about the merits of emotional investment inside our home in comparison with the weight it holds in the rest of the world.

Adam had to pick me up from work on Monday night because I was feeling sick.  I had a headache, blurred vision, and I was really dizzy.  After ruling out a brain aneurysm and a stroke, I feel pretty confident that it was a combination of low blood sugar, high blood pressure, and STRESS.  I talked to a friend on Monday night, telling her about a loan program through the USDA and saying it was "a long shot."  (Fortunately, for us, we are long shot kind of people.)

Tuesday pretty much had us both just wandering around the house, moping and being stressed out.   This whole situation just felt so IMPOSSIBLE.  At this point, we couldn't even fight for this house.  This house that we KNEW was OURS.

Wednesday morning we met with yet another banker (our third, at this point).  And he was the first one with GOOD NEWS!  So, apparently, because the house we want is out in the middle of nowhere, we DO qualify for a USDA Rural Development Loan.  The cool thing about these kinds of loans is that they are actually a better financing deal than the FHA loans that we had been pursuing.  They require 0% down, which would mean that we would be able to use our savings for repairs, equipment, and maybe some grown-up furniture.  And, you know, that ADOPTION thing we're doing!

The only downside is that you have to be UNDER a certain income...ack!  So frustrating to have so many different requirements.  For some loans, we need more money--for some, we need less.  Fortunately, we were just under the the income limit.  I have never been so happy to not have more money!  I had to leave the meeting early and go to work, so the plan was to have Adam bring any papers to my office, I would sign them, and then he would take them back to the banker. 

Adam showed up at my office during one of my breaks on Wednesday afternoon.  When I got back from the bathroom, our realtor is on the phone, talking about how Adam dropped off a pre-approval letter and telling us about putting an offer on this house!  At this point, my head was SPINNING, and I felt like I was about 2.5 steps behind everyone else in this story.  As I was getting caught up, we found out that the sellers of the house were going to make a counter offer to the low offer.  This was bad.  This was really really bad.  Because, basically, if the other people accepted the offer, we were done.  Game over for the Millers.

At this point, our realtor says, "I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds, but..."  Basically, he asked the seller to withdraw the counter offer, IF he could get us to commit to a certain purchase price.  The seller agreed.  Now, the offer was a little bit more than what I think we would have offered (which is totally risky and aggressive, but totally the right thing), but it got us in the game and caught the seller's attention.  We submitted the offer and gave them 48 hours to accept.  They came back the next day and had ACCEPTED! 

Thursday night, we sat on the couch, facing each other, basically going, "Oh my goodness...what. have. we. done?"  We had been afraid they wouldn't accept our offer, but we hadn't really considered the implications of an acceptance.  Holy. crap.

We had our inspection done Saturday and all went well.  I absolutely adore our inspector.  Both our realtor and our inspector used to be home builders, so the two of them together were an awesome team.  The house has some...interesting...features, and it was helpful to have two brains working together to figure out what the heck some of this stuff was and how it works.  Obviously, there are some things that need to be fixed.  The house was built in 1920, and (we think) has been vacant for almost a year, but there was nothing that was a deal breaker.  Our inspector actually said he had seen homes that were ten years old that have more wrong with them than this house.  Whew!  What a relief!

So, now, we're waiting on final approval from the bank.  Then, the loan has to go to the USDA to get signed and approved, which could take about three weeks.  Say a prayer that none of this is affected by the whole "government shut-down/sequestration" thing, which ultimately could slow things down and even significantly reduce funding to the USDA for home loans.

So, if you're keeping track at home, we have a long list of blessings that have all come together to pave the way for this moment:

1.  Financial blessings that have allowed us to pay off debt, save for a house, and save for adoption
2.  The provision of a dream house within our budget
3.  Awesome teamwork between Adam and I to get everything done as quickly as possible
4.  Qualification of a loan that requires us to have a lower income and zero down payment
5.  An amazing trifecta of realtor, inspector, and mortgage broker

Things still left to pray for:

1.  Final approval on our loan
2.  Timely approval of our loan from the USDA
3.  Low cost estimates on repairs that need made
4.   Financial provision for said repairs (and all the other "house stuff" that we need)

 If all goes well, we are set to close by April 13!  (Yikes.)

The Millers Pursue the Impossible

This week has been an emotional roller coaster.  (The part about me locking my keys in the car while it was running is a story for a different time...)

We decided to start moving in the direction of purchasing our first home.  As I'm thinking about it, I'm not really sure why we started this early.  We had always agreed on and talked about doing it later in the spring, even into the summer.  The lease on our apartment isn't up until the end of October, so we've got plenty of time.  But something made us both go, "Now.  We need to do this now."  And anyone who spends any amount of time with us knows that when one of us feels like we need to do something RIGHT NOW, even if it doesn't make sense, we do it.

So we met with a mortgage broker on Monday.  Without going into too much personal detail, there may be an issue with our ability to get financing right now.  A lot of this has to do with my being self-employed, which lenders often think of as "risky," despite the fact that we think of it as "awesome."  There are other issues that could impact that, but we are working with several different folks to figure out what our options are.  So that was a bit stressful.

And then...never to be deterred, we met with a realtor on Friday.  One thing I love about Adam and I is that we talk about everything to death, but when we are ready to execute a plan, we are ready!  We looked at 6 houses in 6 hours.  It was overwhelming.  We had an ice storm the night before, so it wasn't the best conditions to be driving around and looking at homes.  Many of the homes that we are looking at have land and out buildings (which Adam mistakenly calls "outhouses"), so we basically just traipsed around outside for 6 hours.  All of the houses were nice.  They were very nice.  But they weren't for us.

Except for the fourth house.  Oh, the fourth house...

A client of mine is currently looking for a new house, and she had repeatedly said, "Houses will speak to you.  You just have to listen."  Since we've never looked at anything bigger than an apartment, I thought it was as good of advice as any.

This house almost brought me to my knees.

We walked into the kitchen from the porch and the smell hit me.  It was comforting and something that I had longed for for the last five years.  We moved into the dining room.  Adam was leading, with his back to me.  The realtor was behind me, still in the kitchen.  I kept gulping the air, just hoping that the smell wouldn't go away, trying to make it a part of me.  And then I started crying.  Sobbing.  Big, heavy, wracking sobs.  The house smelled like my grandma's old house.  Old wood.  Old house.  My grandma.

Adam turned around and was, obviously, very concerned that his wife was now crying hysterically, almost out of control crying, in this house.  I told him what was going on, and we kept looking around the house, while I cried.  I was able to finally get myself somewhat under control, but I still cried quietly through the whole house.  Our poor realtor kept looking at Adam with the shifty eyes, and Adam kept saying, "She's okay.  She likes the house.  She really likes the house."

We went downstairs into the creepy cellar basement, and our realtor (who used to be a home builder) was pointing out several features in the basement.  There are a lot of things about buying a house that probably should be important to me, but aren't.  Because, honestly, I was going to fight like hell to buy this house simply based on the fact that it smelled like my grandma's old house.  It could have been falling down around us (don't worry, it's not)--I'm not sure that I would have heard anything the realtor said.  But, anyway, back to the basement.  The realtor pointed out this weird wooden tunnel thing that came into the basement from up above--a laundry chute!  Wanna guess who used to have a laundry chute that I thought was the coolest thing ever when I was kid?  My grandma!

And did I mention that the curtains in the dining room are the same curtains that we had in our living room when I was a kid, except ours were blue and these were cream?  And the ones that we had used to belong to (you guessed it!) my grandma!

I couldn't talk to Adam until later about it, but my experience in this house caught me off guard for one major reason.  Since my grandma died three weeks ago, I've really struggled with not being able to feel her spirit.  I'm not necessarily sure that I'm entitled to that, but I think I definitely expected it the instant that she died.  And it didn't come.  And I just miss her so much sometimes, and I was so astounded to find her all over this house.  (And in the aisle of Easter supplies at the grocery store last weekend.  My apologies to the nice people around me trying to buy their groceries around the Crying Lady...)
 

So, right now, Adam and I are going to pursue this house until someone else takes it away from us.  It may take us up to 2 months to get the whole financing thing squared away.  The house has only been on the market for something like 25 days, so we are definitely working under a time crunch.  We are praying constantly about this.  And I mean constantly.  The kind of prayer where you finish up and start right back in again.  Please join us if you feel so inclined.  

There are so many reasons this is impossible:
 1.  As of this second, we don't have a loan.  We're not sure how long or what it will take for us to be able to get one.
2.  This is an amazing house and anyone who sees it (in our opinion) will want to snatch it up.
3.  The house is a bit pricey for us.  It's in our range, but it'll be a stretch and a sacrifice.
4.  This house is huge.  We don't know anything about owning a home.

But here's where things get cool.  NOTHING is impossible with God.  NOTHING! 

I love Matthew 21:21-22:

 
 So, surely, if we have the power to tell the mountains to throw themselves into the sea, we have the power to claim this house as OURS.

And so we have.  

Stay tuned...