Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Plan B Starts Today

So, about 30 seconds after I wrote this post, I got an e-mail from the IU School of Social Work.
Notifying me that I had not been recommended for admission to the PhD program.

Doggone it.

But here's the thing...

This time, there were were no gut-wrenching sobs.  No sliding down the wall to sit, curled up, on the floor, to cry.  It was more like, "Well, darn." 

And then curiosity.  Expectation.  A little fear.

As I was processing this rejection, my dear sweet husband said, "Well, ya know.  You didn't get into the MSW program the first time, and that worked out pretty well for both of us." 

Yes, darlin'.  Indeed it did.

But it's not just that.  While no one likes the sting of rejection, least of all my perfectionistic self, I've been down this road before. 

A lot.

In addition to my rejection to the MSW program the first time around, even though I was all but guaranteed a spot, I was also rejected to the BSW social work program at IU-Bloomington.

And that time, there were tears.  Big tears.  I could not have imagined possibly being happy at IUPUI, a smaller campus in a lot of ways.  Smaller...that I somehow perceived as lesser. 

A campus that I earned two degrees at.  A campus that I love, smack dab in the middle of the city. 

There was a time in high school.  When I was in a speech contest, where the winner won a 10-day bus trip to the east coast.  And I lost.  And I was completely bummed, again from the sting of rejection.  But then somehow I won Honorable Mention, when I didn't even know that was an option.  And got to go on the trip anyway.

So when Adam asked how I was feeling yesterday, I was honest.  It stinks.  No one likes to be told, "No, you are not good enough to be part of our group.  You are not what we are looking for." 

But I also shared that I am realistic about my life.  And how God operates in my life.  Most of the time God is pretty direct with me and often says, "No, you cannot do this.  Because I have something better than what you can even imagine that is far better for you.

I know that God is always directing my steps, big and small, but I can certainly feel it sometimes more than others.  Mostly when His plan trumps something that I have in my plan.

And, so I am deep in thought and prayer about what this might mean.  Okay, God, you've got my full attention.  Where to next? 

Do I....investigate and finally start the Art Therapy program that finally opened at Herron?
Do I...finally get certified in EMDR?
Do I...volunteer at my church?
Do I...spend more time with friends?
Do something completely crazy that You want me to do that is not even in my brain yet?!

What might this mean about the structure of our family?

So I invite you to my join us in this journey...of whatever comes next.  (wink) 

And I'm excited.

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