If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

I already wrote about postive adoption language back in February. 

Now, as deployment gets closer, I feel like I need to write about Positive Deployment Language.  I just made that up.  I don't think it really exists.  But, golly, I wish it did.

I had an...interesting....conversation with a new person yesterday.  Her kids were acting up, and she said, "Do you have kids?" 

I should have just said, "No." 

But instead, I gave her the long answer...

No, we're going to adopt.  But we can't right now.  Because he's deploying for 12 months.  To Afghanistan.

That darn record scratch thing happened.  All the air sucked from the room.  Darn.

And she said, "Oh my gosh...how do you do it?" 

I don't know.  I haven't done it yet.

"That must be...weird." 

Weird is an understatement, lady.

Then this really strange thing started to happen.  Her mouth was moving.  But I couldn't hear her words. 

I would like for people to ask questions.  Questions are fine.  I like questions.  But don't make comments based on assumptions that are probably not true or are misinformed.

So, I thought I would share this insightful post about things that are not helpful to say to military wives.  I've included my two cents, as well.

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?" This one comes in at number one on the "duh" list for every military wife. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers in the backs of our minds -- but thanks, brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.  No one has ever asked me that.  I did have someone tell me that Adam would get "blown up" and "come back fucked up."  People are scared.  I get it.  Me too.

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
This is intended to be a compliment, but it's just a little annoying. Here's why: It's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cellphones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable; we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So, we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.  I hear this one a lot.  "I could never do it."  Well, you'd be shocked at what you can do when you're not really given a choice.  I didn't think I could "do" the 2-hour meeting where we think and plan for the reality of my husband dying.  And I did.

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.  This is not the most annoying comment for me.  But I do hear a lot of things about how it will be a "safer" deployment, because "the war is over."  Yeah, sure.  (eye roll)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas / anniversary / birthday / birth of a child / wedding / family reunion, etc.?"
Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.  I had someone ask me if he could come home when we adopted and if our apartment rent was free, because he was in the Army.  I wish.  We're having a hard time finding a military discount to buy a laptop!

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
Short answer: try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.  I work.  A lot.  I exercise.  I hang out with friends.  I certainly don't cook or clean.

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq because there is work that needs to be done.  Adam has less than 3 years on his contract.  And people try to count down to that.  But, honestly, we don't know if that's the end of his career or not.  If Adam did "get out," it would be a personal sacrifice for him on my behalf.

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
Sure, we do learn coping skills, and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.  This is our first deployment.  I think everyone knows how wigged out I am.

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three-week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12–15-month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an IED (improvised explosive device), your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12-month combat deployment to a business trip is like comparing a Ford Taurus with a Mercedes convertible.  This doesn't bother me so much, though I don't think anyone has said this sort of thing to me (probably for fear that I would punch them in the throat).  I dunno, to me, hard is hard.  I'm not out to win the "My life is harder than yours because my husband will be gone for a year" award.

9. "Wow, you must miss him."
This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not, and they're now divorced.  Like I said before, Adam and I are an amazing team.  And when he's gone, I'm a really lousy team of one.

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for nine years and at war in Iraq for seven years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day -- and on maps everywhere.  If you ask me this, I will say, "Afghanistan."  I know the city name that is closest to where he will be, but I'm not so hot with the geography myself, so I'm not going to drag you into it.

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid, ignorant comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything -- he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.  He did sign up for it.  And that was hard for me.  But, thankfully, we have a volunteer military.  Some sacrifice so that not everyone has to.  That's a big deal for me.  I could talk about this whole issue for a long time, as a military wife and as a therapist.  Maybe I'll elaborate on this later.

12. "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!"
Hmmm. Seriously ... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation. 

13. "Well, in my opinion ..."
Stop right there. I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are inviting them to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the president. Especially while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisine in the crappy office microwave.  Yeah, you can keep your political feelings to yourself.  My husband is doing a job.  Just like your husband does a job.  If you have a problem with the wars, that is certainly your right (a right that you have because of people like my husband, but we can overlook that for the moment).  Take it up with your elected officials, who choose for us to go to be involved in war. 

Last but not least ...

14. "Oh, that's horrible ... I'm so sorry!"
He's doing his job and he's tough. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our military fights the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad and you stay safe.  You know what I'd rather hear?  "Thank you."  "Tell him thank you."  "How can I help?"  "I will pray for you both."   

I Hope Our Kids Never Sleep in the Crapper

Klara was my wedding gift from Adam.

After a particularly large lunch, we decided to "just walk around the pet store" that is next door.

I tried to resist. 

Because the last time we went to "just walk around the pet store" we came home with Luna. 

As we "just looked" at the kitties that they had, I breathed a sigh of relief that they were all full-grown.  Cats way bigger than Hazel and Luna.  Cats that didn't really seem to fit with our family.

And then Adam said, "Wait, look over there."  Crap.

There was a little grey kitten, curled up on a cat bed.  Trying to sleep, even though all the other big cats were playing like crazy.  It musta been hard to sleep through that.

We found out that she was very sick.  She had gotten an infection after her spay surgery, spiked a fever of 106, and almost died.  But she seemed to be on the mend. 

And she needed a momma. 

 So we brought her home.  And then she got an upper respiratory infection.  Her breath smelled.  She would sneeze and huge boogers would hang out of her nose.  I didn't even know cats could get upper respiratory infections!  It was gross!  And her breath...dear God,...don't even get me started on her breath!

There are so many things that I love about Klara.

She is a cuddler.  With Adam and I.  With Hazel.  With Luna.  With strangers who come to feed them when Adam and I are gone.

She is loud.  Did you know that kittens learn to meow from their mommas?  Yup, they sure do.

Luna and Klara don't know how to meow, because they were separated from their mommas before they were old enough to learn to meow.  So they warble and chirp.  It's cute.

And when she's happy, her little "Purr Motor" really gets a'going. 

But Klara has recently started doing something that is not so cute. 

You know, just lounging in the toilet. 

She's gross. 

But, golly, she's cute.

Music Monday: Home

I just got home from a conference in Atlanta.

And in three days, I leave for a conference in Louisville. 

I'm traveling a lot these days.  I love it.  But, boy, I love coming home.

I love this video, because everyone is so quirky in it.

They dance like I do.

And I love this version, because it's so gosh darned CUTE!

Home is wherever I'm with you.
Home is whenever I'm with you.

Loaves of Love Update

One of the reasons that I was so bummed out by not getting into the PhD program at IU was because it offered a monthly stipend.  And that stipend would have, very easily, covered the cost of our adoption.  Completely.

Because, really, I don't like asking people for things.  I don't like asking for prayer, help, money, or support.  It's so hard for me.

It's hard to put it out there and say, "Hey, guess what?  This is what God wants us to do, but we need your help to do it."  Whew.  Those words are so hard for me.

(Maybe I should have just named this blog So Hard, huh?)

I remember, when Adam and I first made the decision to adopt, Adam said, "How are we going to pay for it?"  And I said, "I don't know.  But if God called us to do it, He will make a way." 

But God is faithful. And so are people.

This week we had three Loaves of Love orders!  THREE! 

And one coffee order through Just Love. 

I need for people to know how much we appreciate the support. 

For our wedding, we asked people to consider supporting our adoption, rather than purchasing a gift.  The results were amazing.  We got a check from Adam's great uncle and, in the subject line, he wrote, "Miller Family Growth Fund." 

I sat in my car and cried.  For about twenty minutes.

For my shower, our friends Brian and Rachel gave us a cookie jar with money in it.  On the front, there was a little chalkboard.  They drew a picture of a bottle and a rattle and wrote, "Baby Fund." 

And I cried some more. 

I cry every single time someone joins our adoption journey. 

By reading our blog, commenting, sharing it with friends, buying bread or coffee, donating money, praying for us, you are joining in our journey.  And we are so grateful.

We've had some questions about Loaves of Love.  I'll try to answer some of them.

Do I have to have it shipped to me?

No, absolutely not.  If you are in Indianapolis, I am more than happy to pick up the bread and deliver it to you.  If you live in the Greater Metropolitan Area of Fulton, you can probably pick up your bread from Dave Sommers.  If you are outside of those areas, shipping is probably a good idea.

How do I pay?

When you fill out an order form, it comes directly to my e-mail.  I will then e-mail you (or call you, if you don't provide an e-mail address) to confirm the order.  Once the order is confirmed, you can either pay via check, cash, or PayPal.  I will provide you an address for where to send cash or a check.

How long does it take?

Man, I will tell you, the Loaves of Love crew are AWESOMELY FAST.  If they are shipping it, you will get your bread faster.  If we have to arrange pick up or delivery, it's kind of at the mercy of everyone's schedules. 

I will submit non-shipped orders to Loaves of Love twice a month (probably the 1st and 15th of each month).  You will most likely get your bread within a week. 

How much profit goes directly to you?

We make $3 per small loaf and $5 per large loaf.  All shipping costs go to ship the bread! 

I keep seeing these people who have sampled bread on your blog.  How can I do that?

Just let me know!  We still have some bread left to sample (it's in the freezer!). 

How long do we have to buy bread?

Until Dave either tells us that we can't do it anymore or we bring our babies home.  We'll let you know.

How to Help While Adam's Deployed

I did not plan on Adam being in the military.  If you had asked 22-year-old me if I ever even thought Adam would be interested in enlisting, I would have laughed in your face.  Hard.

So as the time gets closer and closer to this whole deployment thing, it gets harder and harder for me to breathe.  This. is. so. hard.  (How many times do you think I can say the word hard in this post?)

This week was hard (5 so far!) in so many different ways.  You already know about the whole PhD thing.  But after that, I was informed that I had been invited to attend a mandatory briefing about Adam's deployment.  On a weekend when I am supposed to be out of town at a conference that I was super pumped about.  With a hotel room that I had already paid for.  Drat. 

So, you know, I'm mostly concerned about keeping my shit together during the 4 hours of informational overload that will take place.  All centered around the concept that my husband will be going to war.  Gone.  For a year. 

Here's where I remind you that Adam and I have AMAZING FRIENDS.  AMAZING.

I texted a friend, asked her to go with me.  She responded with, "Of course!"  Our friends are really humbling for me.  They remind me how self-centered I am.  I mean, seriously. 

Would I sit through a 4-hour informational suckfest with one of my friends?  I'm not so sure.

I came across this awesome blog post from this wonderful blog called Hopeful Future.  (Though, it was borrowed from Singing Through the Rain.  Wanna give credit where credit is due!)There is a lot of information there, but I thought I would highlight some of it through my blog. 

What kind of support could friends offer your husband or his (Troop? Group? I’m totally clueless as to what they are called…)
It’s called a squadron. At least that is what it’s called in the Air Force. It may be different in other branches. And actually it just so happens that my husband’s squadron does not deploy as a unit. So if you sent something it would be per person not per squadron. If there was some kind of support you wanted to offer a deployed military member, I would say care packages, letters, and emails. Anything that you can send that would make him feel better or that would be encouraging to him. Cookies are very much appreciated! Depending on who you are sending it to, you could ask his wife/family what things he might need or like, such as snacks and toiletry items.

In the Army, it's called a unit.  My first concern is that Adam is taken care of.  He might have Internet access, which would be wonderful, but we're not sure at this point.  Ask me for his address.  Write him letters.  Send him e-mails.  Send him pictures of what you are doing.  Send him food.  He's good at letting me know what he needs and what I can send him.  One time, he asked for some Q-tips, which I thought were for cleaning your ears, so I sent him a little baggie with some Q-tips.  Turns out, he likes to use them to clean his gun, so he was a little put out when he only got a little sandwich baggie full.  Communication is key! 

If I lived close to you what would be the biggest help and/or support I could be to you?
I know a lot of civilian friends who feel the same way. They want to help, but they just aren’t sure how to, and while a blanketed statement such as, “If you need anything let me know” or “Let me know what I can do to help” is nice, it sometimes is embarrassing for us to have to ask. We don’t want people to think we can’t handle ourselves and our family while our husband is away. So here is a list of things you can do without asking:

• Do her yard work. Things such as mowing the lawn, raking, or shoveling are very helpful.  (Reason #857 why we still live in an apartment.  But please know that everything breaks when Adam is gone.  And I don't know how to fix anything everything.)
• Invite her over. On a weekend(s) for dinner or game night or any night. Weekends are the hardest day of the week for military wives because that is usually the time we would spend together as a family or on a date night with our husbands.  (Weekends are hard.  I try to fill the time with work and scheduling activities for every second of every day until I collapse in bed completely exhausted.) 
• Babysit for her. Don’t ask her to tell you when she needs you, say that you would like to help out or give her a break once a week or once a month and have her pick a day.  (In case you were wondering why we weren't further along in the adoption process...this is it.)
• Invite her over on special days or holidays. Days such as her birthday and anniversary and holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and Fourth of July are hard for her while her husband is gone. Invite her over or make sure she will not be alone on those days.  (Holidays and birthdays will be the biggies for while Adam is gone. He will also miss our anniversary.)
• Church. If you go to church together ask her to sit with your family in church so she does not have to sit alone.  (The same thing applies to weddings and funerals.  Sitting by yourself sucks.) 
• Grocery Shopping. Offer to pick up groceries for her and she can pay you back when you drop them off.  (These next two are really the big ones for me.  When Adam is gone, I typically experience a pretty constant level of anxiety-induced nasuea.  Which means ice cream is about the only thing I can choke down.  You can live on ice cream for 4 months.  Not sure about 12.)
• Bring her a meal.  (Ice cream is easy because you don't have to cook it.)
• Don’t just ask her how she’s doing. Chances are she will say she is fine and chances are that she’s not. Instead, tell her hi, give her a hug, and tell her that you care about her and are praying for her. Then actually pray for her.  (Pray please.  Pray for Adam.  Pray for me.  Pray for all the guys in his unit.  Pray for our President and Congress and military leadeship.  I am thinking about setting up a prayer schedule for Adam's deployment.  Let me know if you would be interested.  Please don't ask how I'm doing.  You know how I'm doing.  Just trust that this is harder than anything I've ever done in my entire life.  Let's go with that.)
• Listen. Military wives need a friend. Someone to vent to and another adult to talk to since it’s just her and the children all day long.

Adam and I are an amazing team.  I love this about us.  But it means that when he's gone, so is half of my team.

And there is no 'I' in team. 

Fabulous M Bod

This is the former Melissa Bodnar.  She is fabulous. 

Introduce yourself!  Tell us who you are!  Enquiring minds want to know!


My name is Melissa Griffin.


I live with my husband, Chris Griffin (yes like Family Guy) and our dog Pippy who is a yorki-bichon…she is very spoiled!


I have been teaching middle school science for six years and there is never a dull moment.


One of my favorite things to do is blast some music and cook.   


I love my family and friends more than anything.


Where do you live, Melissa?


We live in Franklin, Indiana, in a house that is over 100 years old. 


Awesome.  Thanks for offering to sample a Loaf of Love!  What kind of bread did you get?


I got the banana chocolate chip bread.

Yummy!  What did you think of the bread?

First of all, let me say that I could not get out of the parking lot before ripping off a piece and trying it.  It was delicious!  I love the sugar layer that they have on top of the bread, it gives it a nice texture. As soon as I got home, I then cut a slice to eat with a glass of milk.  Very, very good and I recommend it to anyone who likes bananas and chocolate.

Who did you share it with?

I hate to admit it, but I kept it all to myself…sorry Chris, it was just too good!

Haha!  I'm sure he understands!  Why do you support adoption, Melissa?

When I was little, I actually found myself buying Cabbage Patch Dolls that were Chinese and telling my mom that I wanted to adopt when I got older.  I support adoption because I believe that every child should have a chance to grow up with a family who is loving and can give them everything that they deserve.  My husband’s dad was also adopted and I know that because of this, my husband believes very strongly in adoption, too.  He saw how his father’s life was impacted by being around a family that loved him and cared for him like he was one of their own.

Isn't that interesting, folks?  When Melissa first shared her story about being drawn to Chinese Cabbage Patch Dolls, I had to laugh.  God is funny.

As a child, I never thought about the act of adoption.  I didn't know anyone who was adopted.  We didn't talk about adoption in my house.  We didn't not talk about it--it just wasn't a topic of conversation.  So, funny that I, a little girl who didn't think or really even know about adoption, used to pretend like I was operating an orphanage.  

This is the second story (aside from my own) of someone who was drawn to adoption at a young age.  The other one is an amazing story of an adoptive momma who, at a young age, read a story about an adoption program for children with Down Syndrome.  She declared that she would adopt when she was older.  And you know what?  She did.  And her daughter (who is one of the most beautiful little cutie patooties I have EVER SEEN!) just happens to have Down Syndrome.  Hhmmm...maybe I can beg her to share her story with y'all...it's a good one!

So, what I'm saying is that I just want to clue you in to the fact that Melissa's childhood adoption dreams are probably not the end of the story for her.  Just sayin'...(wink)

Okay, sorry, tangent...so, Melissa, how do you know me and Adam?

I know Lacey because I was blessed to have her on the same floor as me my first year of college.  We became friends quickly and hung out often.  She was one that I could laugh with and know that there was always an ear to listen when I had college freshman drama.  I do not know Adam personally, but know that he has to be a wonderful person if Lacey chose to spend the rest of her life with him.  She is a smart girl!

Oh, college freshman drama...lots of hours spent talking in the hallways outside of Melissa's dorm room in our pajamas! 

Go IU!   

What kind of parents do you think we'll be?

I think Lacey will be an absolutely fabulous mom.  She knows how to have fun, but she also knows when to be serious.  She has experience working with children and is a very big support to them.  I know Lacey and Adam have thought long and prayed hard to make a decision like adoption.  They have the best of intentions and have gone through all possibilities.  I see them as making a big impact on any child that is lucky enough to be called their own.

Wow, Melissa.  You're amazing.  I am blessed and honored to be your friend.  

We so appreciate your support of our adoption and of adoption in general. 

Plan B Starts Today

So, about 30 seconds after I wrote this post, I got an e-mail from the IU School of Social Work.

Notifying me that I had not been recommended for admission to the PhD program.

Doggone it.

But here's the thing...

This time, there were were no gut-wrenching sobs.  No sliding down the wall to sit, curled up, on the floor, to cry.  It was more like, "Well, darn." 

And then curiosity.  Expectation.  A little fear.

As I was processing this rejection, my dear sweet husband said, "Well, ya know.  You didn't get into the MSW program the first time, and that worked out pretty well for both of us." 

Yes, darlin'.  Indeed it did.

But it's not just that.  While no one likes the sting of rejection, least of all my perfectionistic self, I've been down this road before. 

A lot.

In addition to my rejection to the MSW program the first time around, even though I was all but guaranteed a spot, I was also rejected to the BSW social work program at IU-Bloomington.

And that time, there were tears.  Big tears.  I could not have imagined possibly being happy at IUPUI, a smaller campus in a lot of ways.  Smaller...that I somehow perceived as lesser. 

A campus that I earned two degrees at.  A campus that I love, smack dab in the middle of the city. 

There was a time in high school.  When I was in a speech contest, where the winner won a 10-day bus trip to the east coast.  And I lost.  And I was completely bummed, again from the sting of rejection.  But then somehow I won Honorable Mention, when I didn't even know that was an option.  And got to go on the trip anyway.

So when Adam asked how I was feeling yesterday, I was honest.  It stinks.  No one likes to be told, "No, you are not good enough to be part of our group.  You are not what we are looking for." 

But I also shared that I am realistic about my life.  And how God operates in my life.  Most of the time God is pretty direct with me and often says, "No, you cannot do this.  Because I have something better than what you can even imagine that is far better for you." 

I know that God is always directing my steps, big and small, but I can certainly feel it sometimes more than others.  Mostly when His plan trumps something that I have in my plan.

And, so I am deep in thought and prayer about what this might mean.  Okay, God, you've got my full attention.  Where to next? 

Do I....investigate and finally start the Art Therapy program that finally opened at Herron?
Do I...finally get certified in EMDR?
Do I...volunteer at my church?
Do I...spend more time with friends?
Do I...do something completely crazy that You want me to do that is not even in my brain yet?!

What might this mean about the structure of our family?

So I invite you to my join us in this journey...of whatever comes next.  (wink) 

And I'm excited.

Music Monday: Which Way Your Heart Will Go

We are a Plan B kind of family.

Most of you know that we are planners.  We talk about everything TO DEATH before it actually happens. 

And then it changes.  And so do we.  And so does the plan. 

And, you know what?  It's awesome.  It's not always awesome from the beginning.  But it's awesome eventually. 

And Plan B is far better than anything we could have ever imagined with Plan A.

I think of all the things that haven't gone as planned in my life.  Some big.  Some small. 

All terrifying when they happened.  Loss.  Disappointment.  Tears.

As I'm waiting to hear back from Indiana University about whether or not I got into the doctoral social work program, I am reminded of one such time.  I had a plan.  Finish up my undergraduate.  Apply for the masters program.  Get in immediately.  No problems.  On the fast track.

And then it happened.  I didn't get in.  Not sure how that happened.  I had awesome grades and was the president of everything.  Hmm...

To say that I was devastated is an understatement.  I was in complete and utter shock.  HOW.  DID.  THIS.  HAPPEN?

So I regrouped.  I applied for a job.  I moved to Lafayette.  And then I met the man who is my husband.

Funny how that works, huh?

Where would I be right now?  If all my dreams had come true? 

Deep down, I know inside that I'd have never seen your face...this world would be a different place.

Darling, there's no way to know...which way your heart will go...

Music Monday (on a Tuesday): Billie Jean

As you may know, today is the day that I turn 28 + 1.  I'm not quite ready to even think about next year, when I'm 28 + 2.  Not.  ready. 

But, alas, on this day, 28 + 1 years ago, at 3:18PM, on an Easter Sunday, I was born. 

Some other notables about April 3...

• It is generally the day that scholars agree Jesus Christ was crucified.  I did not know that until today.
• Jesse James was killed by Robert Ford
• Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., delivered his "I Have Been to the Mountaintop" speech
• The Unabomber was arrested

Hmm...not a lot of "feel good" news on this day in history.

But....

• Doris Day and Marlon Brando were born (both in 1924)
• Wayne Newton and Tony Orlando were both born (not in the same year)
• David Hyde-Pierce, Picabo Street, and Jennie Garth were all born

It's a good day to have a birthday.

And, again, on this day, 28 + 1 years ago, this was the #1 song in our country.